Scream Queens/Season One/Episode One

episode one

Intro
Jessica Liek ascends from the heavens

JESSICA: hi

JESSICA: so i guess were doing this

JESSICA: my name is jessica liek and i am THE scream queen, shawnee who shawnees a fucking hack

JESSICA: in this season of scream queens, eight aspiring young (well some of them anyways) actresses will compete to show up in 0.000000001 seconds of scream princesses 7: return of the frog lady

JESSICA: there will be drama

insert clip of people hitting each other

JESSICA: there will be romance

insert clip of hoes making out in the jaccuzzi

JESSICA: there will be a lot of john homa blowjobs

insert clip of some bitch blowing john homa

JESSICA: but who will be the final girl... the scREAM QUEEN

Part One
The eight whores enter the mansion as Vroom Vroom by Charli XCX plays

MARIAH IC: im so excited to have been blessed with this opportunity, this is my first acting gig since the pornos

They all go to the living room where they meet the three judges

JESSICA: hi girls

GIRLS: hi

JESSICA: cut next take

JESSICA: hi girls

GIRLS: OH MY GOD ITS JESSICA LIEK DHJSHUIHUIFHEUIEI LEGEND TALENTED BRILLIANT AMAZING SHOWSTOPPING UNIQUE NEVER THE SAME UNAFRAID TO REFERENCE OR NOT REFERENCE

JESSICA: thats more like it

JESSICA: so yall know what you came here to do but you dont know who the judges are so lets get into that i guess?

JESSICA: noted acting coach john homa

JOHN: i have a reputation for making people cry... and also reviewing this record and by record i mean vaJOINA

JESSICA: and lizzie the small indie director whos gonna guide you through the directors challenges

LIZZIE: hey girls fuck off

STEFANI: same

JESSICA: ok so for your first acting challenge-

JESSICA: oh wait... i almost forgot...

JESSICA: there are only eight of you

KIANA: well duh

JESSICA: someones missing

JESSICA: OH RIGHT

JESSICA: please say hello to returning contestant from s1 of scream queens...

KIRSTEN: OH MY GOD WHO IS SHSEHEJBEI I CANT BREATHE TELL ME WHO SHE IS

JESSICA: calm down sweaty

JESSICA: she is back! it's-

The contestant struts down in gucci flip flops

JESSICA: jo-anne from s1!

JO-ANNE IC: hi cunts i bet yall never saw me coming

JO-ANNE IC: im back to show these bitches that i still got it

Suddenly a huge pendulum flies by and it kills Jo-Anne

JESSICA: oh

JESSICA: well anyways

JESSICA: for your first acting challenge we will rip off the first seasons acting challenge and do the "try not to convince homicidal murderer to kill you" challenge

JOCELYN: me

JOCELYN IC: having no acting experience whatsoever could make a bitch nervous but im confident in my talent and in my winner edit

The girls all go to another living room with Jessica and John

JOHN: ok so first up kirsten

KIRSTEN: wha-

JOHN: its your turn

KIRSTEN: WHAT WHA THT EFUCK WHY AM I THE FIRS TONE WHATHJBUIGRHI IM NOT READYYDYD

KIRSTEN: AAA ok lets go

STEFANI: we-

KIRSTEN: SHUT UP THIS IS MY MOMENT

Kirsten turns to the homicidal murderer

KIRSTEN: pLEASE DONT KILL ME UIUIREHUIRIUUIGUI OPELPOASJIO PLEASE SIS WHAT DI DI DO WRONG OMG STOP POINTING THAT CHAINSAW AT ME WTF SIS WHAT HELP PROTECT ME URHG

ERICA IC: what the fuck is this tomfoolery... wow im really not gonna have any competition

John cuts Kirsten

KIRSTEN: did i win?

JOHN: just... sit... down

KIRSTEN IC: im really confident in my acting efforts

JOHN: next up its caroline

Caroline acts but no one notices her bc they all fall asleep

CAROLINE: erm-

k im bored this was a sneak peek that ill finish later (but probably not)

in the meantime im plugging my new show diva starz, diva starz is a show about a sorority that is plagued by a bunch of-

STEFANI: no were not doing this sweaty